MCO 2019

Supp, i don’t even know it day-? of the MCO anymore.
I just know it is now midnight of 5th April 2020 and there 9 days left into the lockdown.

I’ve been feeling very lonely these days.
My parents took their time, but eventually called in to check on me about 7 days into the restriction.
Jiaw, Boy, Epy and GK stayed in contact through socmeds.
My Nyaw did not. I’ve tried calling and checking in but it was kinda chilly there. I know he’s not that busy, i mean you can’t be 24/7 on pubg aight, so i’ll just take whatever he says at face value.
I told all of them i miss them, and they said the same back to me, but why do i still feel extremely lonely?

Sometimes, i do wish that i can just drown into earth and end it yknow. Like done. No more attachments, no more feelings, no disappointments.
But what am i bringing to the afterlife. I’m not really a good person.
I’ve just started watching The Good Place on Netflix, it was okay, cukuplah to fill my time. If only it was that easy in the afterlife.

Life sucks. And i’m still here. Just facing it one dreadful day at a time.
I get it now, it really is difficult when the demons to fight is yourself, your own thoughts.

I feel lonely here.