Empty

My housemates ifthar-ed outside today.
So it’s just me tonight.
Alone.

It’s 11pm and raining outside.
I can hear cars driving through the puddled highway.
Sss.

It’s cold and windy.
I cannot see the klcc tonight. The rain is so heavy it clouded the view.
I’m kinda sick of playing golf on plato and watching another episode of oitnb.
I tried watching hospital playlist, but that gets boring too.

My nose bled. Again.
I don’t know why but the right nostril bleeds frequently.
Probably because i like to stick my towels in it. Heh it was itchy.

My clothes hanger crumbled.
I don’t feel like dealing with it tonight so i will clean it up tomorrow.
I think i need to buy a legit wardrobe soon.
The cloth wardrobe from giant works too. I don’t need much.

Papa called just now. Checking in to how it has been going with me.
He asked if i’m going back for raya.
I don’t think i can. Interstate travels are still not allowed.
My company won’t be giving a letter of travel either.
Especially for raya.
Maybe i’ll visit lia. Kekpa I don’t think so. She have litlle kids.
I don’t wanna bring anything unto them.

I scrolled Instagram for a bit. Somewhere at noon.
Right after i woke up.
Ajim’s mother passed away. Last thursday.
I feel sad for him. Cause i’d be sad if mine were gone too.
I send him my regards, wishing him strength. He needs it.
It reminded me of that day he wanted me to look for a tudung for his mother.
But i was too far away to meet.
He is back in kedah, safe in the arms of his family, pushing through it together.
I wish nothing but the best for him.
Innalillah waina ilaihi rojiun.
He managed to bathe her, and was calmed by the face of the deceased. She was relieved.
He told me he’s okay. And that he was ready for it.
I wish i could give him a hug.
It’s been a while.
Alhamdulillah that it was in the holy month of Ramadan.
I prayed blessings on her soul.

Now I’m in bed.
Hugging pooh and buttcrack a little bit tighter tonight.
For all the memories and gratefulness today brings.
I am grateful that i have both of my parents, looking out for me.
I am grateful that i have all my limbs and a working body.
I am grateful that i have a job to return to.
I am grateful to still be here, despite the emptiness challenging my everyday existence.

I miss getting hugs, holding hands, kisses from my loved ones and natural conversations.
I miss contact.